How to Use "I" Statements

Taken from: Relationships Australia.  For full article, click button below

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Why should we start our sentences with ‘I’?

Starting a sentence with ‘I’ helps us talk about difficult feelings, say how the problem is affecting us and stops other people feeling blamed.  It forces us to take responsibility for our own thoughts and feelings.

Partners tend to experience this as less hostile, opening the possibility of further conversation and hope for a resolution.
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Ultimately, they can frame a situation as something to be workshopped and solved together, instead of sounding like a complaint about your partner, or an attack on their character.

Here are some specific ways that "I" and "You" statements are used in our everyday lives.  

‘You’ statements:

• “You always leave your mess lying everywhere.”
• “You don’t care about me or my feelings.”
• “You didn’t text me like you said you would.”
• “You embarrassed me at dinner the other night, like you always do.”
• “You never tell me how you’re feeling.”

‘I’ statements:

• “I feel frustrated when I come home and the house is messy.”
• “I feel frustrated when my feelings aren’t heard or acknowledged.”
• “I feel worried when I don’t hear from you, and I just want to know that you’re ok and safe.”
• “I felt really embarrassed the other night in front of our friends when this topic came up, because…”
• “I would love to know how you’re feeling about this.”

Good communication is a habit
​Communicating effectively isn’t just a skill you’re born with. It can be learned, and with a little repetition and practice, things will get easier.​

How To Use I Statements